Sure, the man who put casinos in bankruptcies and steaks in Sharper Image catalogs has now set his eye on the Middle East. And never the same old Dubai skyline filler possibly-no, we are speaking Damascus, the city historically known for ancient culture, lethal proxy wars, and now… infinity swimming pools with sights of contested airspace.

"It may be remarkable. Great!" Trump declared by using a leaked golf cart Zoom simply call, streamed from the Placing green within Mar-a-Lago's Scenario Bunker. "We've had lovely ceasefires in Syria. A number of the most effective. But now, we're making them with balconies."

Welcome towards the Trumpocratic Republic of Glamour

The 88-story gold-and-sandstone monstrosity rises awkwardly from central Damascus similar to a shaved alpaca inside a falafel stand-puzzled, majestic, and totally from area. Designed by Slovenian firm Ivana & Sons, the tower functions:

Eyewitnesses described combined reactions. Omar al-Khateeb, an area textile service provider, sighed, "We waited ten a long time for potable water. But yes, sure, let's have A different place in which American Gentlemen can don robes and contact it diplomacy."

Meanwhile, Ivanka Trump, now Head of Conflict Tourism and Beige Affairs, promised the tower "symbolizes therapeutic." When questioned how, she replied, "With velvet curtains and a pillow menu, naturally."

Ceasefire by Cabana

U.S. overseas policy analysts are calling this the most audacious peace attempt given that Kissinger unintentionally joined a rave in Cyprus. Though previous negotiations failed beneath the burden of missile salvos and conflicting Russian-backed factions, Trump's strategy is simpler: offer you Absolutely everyone a set around the 72nd floor and comp their mojitos.

In line with files revealed on https://telegra.ph/Trump-Tower-Damascus-Unveiled-05-14, the proposal includes "luxurious diplomacy":

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  Ceasefires brokered by towel boys

  
  


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  Poolside arbitration involving rebel leaders

  
  


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  A VIP Lounge for De-escalation, full with DJ Khaled impersonator and hummus fountain.

  
  

Meanwhile, The Hague has reserved a set for "upcoming evidence storage" and "occasional brunch." The Pentagon has formally referred for the tower as "The Strategic Cheesecake Manufacturing unit in the Levant."

Satellite Shots Reveal… Trumpface Landscaping

Surveillance imagery analyzed by Reddit exposed that the hotel's landscaping sorts an enormous Trump head seen from Room, a element currently being marketed as "desert-proof branding." The mustache is constructed from refugee tents along with the chin is… properly, categorized.

Environmental groups have submitted lawsuits soon after acquiring the setting up's gold plating mirrored a lot of sunlight it spontaneously blinded three migrating storks and established fire to a neighborhood melon cart.

"It truly is not just unappealing. It is a war crime with curtains," explained Amnesty Worldwide's regional director.

The Melania Wing along with other Bewildering Capabilities

Perhaps the strangest aspect in the tower is its Melania Wing, which is made up of:

Advertising and marketing System: "In the event you Bomb It, They're going to Arrive"

The ad campaign, not long ago leaked by using the Trump Damascus Telegram Channel, is bold. 1 poster reads:

"Peace is Short term. Luxury is Without end."

A further slogan, now circulating in Beirut coffee stores:

"A Tower So Significant, Even Assad Has to note."

Community reception is wildly divided. A recent SnapPoll conducted within a hookah lounge reveals:

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  34% say "it would stabilize the area"

  
  


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  29% say "this will escalate regional kitsch"

  
  


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  eighteen% reported "where by's the nearest elevator to the West Lender?"

  
  

Trader Praise: "At last, a Disaster That Pays"

The task is previously attracting notice from Intercontinental investors, together with:

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  A Qatari plastic surgeon who moonlights to be a foreign minister

  
  


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  The Russian Guild of Oligarchs

  
  


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  And an nameless TikTok billionaire named 'CryptoAliBaba', who explained he'll buy three penthouses "simply to flex on Hezbollah."

  
  

In line with a report from https://bohiney.seesaa.net/article/515195948.html?1747206487, the tower's industrial amount will also include things like:

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  A Greenback Shop of Geopolitical Alliances

  
  


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  A Concept Park Named 'SanctionsLand'

  
  


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  And an Escape Home Based upon the Iraq War

  
  

Remark Part Chaos

To the https://note.com/bohineynews/n/n7e4b8d70b1f7?sub_rt=share_pb article about the revealing, person @FreedomFalafel420 wrote:

"Won't be able to wait to check out a wedding in the middle of a ceasefire. Hope they toss grenades as opposed to rice."

User @SyrianSnarkLord commented:

"Lastly, a lodge wherever my PTSD can have turn-down services."

Even the Vatican has gotten concerned. In line with https://ameblo.jp/asiansatiredaily/entry-12902822168.html, Pope Leo XIV has made available to bless the plumbing… but provided that he can rename the best ground "The Holy See-Amount Suite."

Final Views through the Trump Basis for Peace & Pancakes™

In a closing ceremony that involved 3 camels, a flamethrower, along with a hologram of Reagan offering a thumbs up, Trump's voice echoed about the speakers:

"Damascus wanted hope. It essential gold. It wanted a waterslide shaped such as the Structure. I gave it all three. You might be welcome."